Remember in my last blog I said you just have to believe that a miracle will happen? I got a phone call yesterday after some hard praying and talking to my angels. I asked for help in guidance and sanity to find the money to help me work harder to pay for what’s coming.
I got a call from that angel in the name of SSI. That’s Social Security Supplement Insurance. I heard her say “You’ve been approved.” I’ve been approved? I asked her if she was kidding me? No one calls you on Saturday from the Social Security place. She , “I do.” I almost started crying and told her she was what I’ve been praying for and that today she was my angel.
Angel’s come in every shape and form. Sometimes it’s just a whisper. Today, it was a telephone call. I must be doing something right. She said I had been approved to start receiving supplemental income and then in a few weeks I will start receiving my Disability.
I have been living off my piggy bank, the money I make on eBay, which is that much, and sometimes my mom sneaks in my room and drops a $10 or 20 in the piggy bank.
My phone had been turned off since I haven’t been able to pay it so I called my brother and asked it he wouldn’t mind calling my son for me. But first, I told him the news. All I got was, “Maybe I should try and get it.” I think he was jealous for some reason. It’s been that way between us for a long time. I felt like saying, “Well if you want all my pains of osteoarthritis, bipolar, diverticulitis, hepatitis c and so on you can have it.” My Dad asked me when I was going to start paying rent. I’ve lived there for 7 months now as their caregiver – taking care of both m and them then ask me for rent.
My loving mom asked me what I was going to buy first. I said, “Ink for my printer so I can print out my invoices. Pay my sprint bill, so I can call my son, pay my bankruptcy payment, take my dog to the vet, and then to the groomers. Oh, I should buy some clothes that fit me. All other monies is going in savings for a trip to see my son and grand babies for Christmas.
Just remember to always believe and just your instinct and believe in prayer. Don’t give up!
I’ve really been roughing it since I lost my job August 2008. Working odd jobs, temp jobs and whatever I could find. Then I decided to tap in on my dream, which I have been thinking of for a long time. since 1989. as start your own little business. Something that’s yours. So I did start my small eBay business. Then the unexpected happened.
My dad had a fatale accident and ended in the hospital and nursing home. The accident aggregated his Dementia. The next quick change in my life? I moved in with my parents to be their caregiver I quit the small job I had, turned in my notice to the apartments, and moved to the folks. The only money I have is what I make from eBay.
It hasn’t been easy here. I’ve slowly developed osteoarthritis in my feet, and I have Bipolar. I go to a mental clinic to get free medicine and blood work. It was a godsend when I found this place. I found that if you look hard enough there will be help out there. You just have to look. It’s not going to come to you. Most are government ran. But I did it and so can you.
The only thing I don’t have help with is my osteo.
I have recently filed for bankruptcy and yesterday I was worried about paying the first installment on it. I’ve let my eBay store slide now. I couldn’t afford the fees.
Now, just out of the blue sky, my God answered another prayer for me. I got a call from the Social Security Disability people and found how that I have been approved for disability. I couldn’t believe it. They put me through the ringer and they did a lot investigations. They found that I was a good candidate for disability. You know what my dad said? “Well when are you going to start paying rent?” I couldn’t believe he said that. I’m living there so he want have to go to a nursing home. That’s what will happen if I leave. I don’t ask my parents for anything. I filed for bankruptcy and then my my sprint phone got cut off. But you know what? Everything is going to be okay. I have my Angels and my God on my side. I BELIEVE
I once mentioned that dogs are great for senior adults. I want to stress this.
Both my parents are not well. I’m their daughter and caregiver and I have a little black Pomeranian named Cody. He gets so much attention and he has gotten very spoiled. My mother has dementia and my dad does as well. In fact, my father just got out of the hospital. He had a blockage in his foot that was caused by his heart. These visits are getting closer and closer together.
At one time, my mom once would of never let a dog in the house. Now, she is in love with Cody and Cody can do no wrong. She is very protective of him. I tell her not to feed him. I’ll see her sneaking food to him when I’m not watching. Dad eats TV dinners. He loves TV dinners! When he’s done the rest goes to Cody.
Cody has become their conversation and their attention. Mom’s always tells me, “Cody loves me. He sits by my chair all the time!”
I’ll find my mom chasing the little dog around the house or, I hear her going “gee, gee….., and laughing.” It’s so funny.
Cody, has brought such happiness in the house. Once, I was worried that I would have to give him away. Of course, that would never happen. I know that I want have to worry if I go see my son for Christmas. Usually I have to pay an arm and leg to have a kennel keep him. No Longer.
It’s so much fun watching my parents looking so happy and attached to something. At least, living is fun for them now. Their both 83, and I’m afraid their time is coming closer and closer to the end. We’re going tomorrow to a funeral home so they can sign up for a plan. This is not fun for me.
In the meantime, I can watch with smile as my mom chases a little black Pomeranian around the room. I know there is an Angel in the house and that is very comforting.
I still run my life with the true thought that I have an angel. Whenever I’m feeling down or things aren’t going my way I talked to her. Other times I write in my journal which is my prayer journal. It has passages from the bible and most of the time, which is amazing, has a subject on how I’m feel at the time.
Writing is the best therapy I have every found. I’ve been writing since I can remember. I was terrible at English in High School and I was always told that my grammar stunk. That’s mostly why I couldn’t keep a job that required a lot of writing.
It shows in my blogs, but most of my blogs are creative. I’m bipolar and most bipolar people are creative.
I feel that God led me into this direction. I haven’t been criticized for my writing and grammar since I started my blogs. My Dad did read some of them and tell me I needed to watch my spelling. I try to do that.
I’ve always questioned myself if I’m doing the right thing. Since I’ve put my faith into my voices and what I hear my life has changed.
Be sure and visit my other blogs as well as my links to my Store on JewellsDreams.
Mom has been suffering from bipolar and dementia for a while now. Plus, she can barely walk, because of knee replacements on both knees, and she has arthritis. Yet, mom keeps going. She will surprise you when she remembers something. It surprises her too. When dad went into the hospital then the nursing home suddenly to learn to walk and talk again, she was a mess. She did not know what to do.
Mom can’t drive so I moved in while dad was in the nursing home. She wanted to go see dad all the time so all I could do was move in. I’ve never seen my mom so depressed and she cried all the time. She said, “I don’t know what to do without daddy! He’s done everything for me for 40 years!” She didn’t know how to use a credit card, didn’t know how much money they had, couldn’t drive to get groceries just about everything. She felt helpless. She cried and cried. I would ask, “Mom, why are you crying?” “I don’t know,” she would say. I would hug her and tell her it will be okay. She would say, “I don’t know what I would do without you here.” At first when I tried to hug her she said, “No we don’t need to hug.” She told me she hasn’t been hugged by dad in a long time and is afraid of it. That bothered me. Dad is not an affectionate person. Never has been. That’s another story.
Mom, isolates herself. She stays in her room watching TV all day. Repeats of Gunsmoke, reruns of game shows anything that is old. She doesn’t listen to the radio, news or read – nothing. At 3pm she pours her a glass of wine with a little water and ice. She will drink until about 7pm and then she goes to bed. It’s like clockwork everyday. She’ll complain about her back, hip and legs. Yet she want go to the doctor or do anything about it. She said she will never go to the doctor or hospital on her own. They would have to drag her out of the house.
I have a little black Pomeranian, Cody, that I brought with me to live with my parents. Before, she would not allow him in the house. No way! But she knew that if I came to live Cody came with me. She was a bit nervous about him peeing on the floor or tearing something up.
Now, its been 5 months since we moved in. Now she tells me Cody’s her dog. Mom has fallen in love with my dog. He sits by her side all day and when she cries he looks at her and comforts her. It’s like they have develop a bond between the two of them. A miracle happen the other day. She actually picked him up. Wow, that was crazy! She told me she would never pick him up. She just doesn’t do that.
At times, I feel like I’ve lost my dog, but if it helps my mom and makes her happy that’s alright with me.
For mom,
Everyday I wake up wanting to talk to my mom
Seeking assurance and love
Mom, you give me unconditional love
If I make a mistake she would tell me everything will be okay
“You don’t have to be perfect, my dear
everything will turn out okay
so worry so much
You just have to Believe.”
Mom is always there for me
She always tells me to believe that God will take care of me
Just listen to what he has to say – Listen
Mom, I love you. I believe in you and I believe in the Lord above us.
I know that he has a plan for me – Believe
Thank you.
When I’m feeling like things are going well I can feel the angels all around me. God has sent them to me
ensure everything is okay. I actually found myself talking to them today while I was in the antique mall looking for, angels. I decided I was going to start collecting them. I don’t feel along when I believe.
Never in my lifetime would I of thought that I would be in the place I am with the thrill of knowing that the things that occurred in my past were Gods plans all along. Now, I know why. I had angels with me all the time and didn’t know it. I think back at the blackest days, and I was really down on God. I was the most miserable and so angry all the time. Why was God letting these things happen to me. What have I done to deserve this. I was never happy and I wasn’t happy with myself. I wouldn’t listen to anyone and I ignored their advise. The alcohol would blind me from the possibilities of happiness and the future.
Then, something happen. I suddenly felt content. I had finally got tired of the way my life was going and I didn’t want my son to think I was a drunk and bum. I wanted to make something of myself. He actually begged me to stop the drinking and smoking. When he found out I had Hep C he started to really be concerned with me. He didn’t want me to die or be alone the rest of my life. I listened.
That was around Christmas 2008. On the flight home I prayed about it and said I want something new in my life. What’s wrong with me! I have a beautiful son, new grandson, and daughter in law. I have a family! The problem has been they live across the US. Then I said to myself – there is only one thing to do. I was always told there’s a solution to everything you just have to try. I made a goal that I’m going to start what I have been dreaming for along time – have my own business, save money, get in physical and mental shape, and be sober. Then, I’m going to move to North Carolina to be with my family. I want have a little shop on the boardwalk in Wilmington, NC. I’m going to sell anything and everything I love.
I have stayed here because of my parents. I didn’t want to leave them. Then my father had an accident and I moved in to be a caregiver. I was like what am I doing! But I love them. But I felt like my whole life just stopped. I love and miss my son too much and wanted to watch my grandson grown up. I decided it was time that I do something for me. I’m 57 with nothing to show for it. Now I can.
I started praying and writing. Then things started coming together. My life has gotten more serene and calm. Even with my bipolar I’m able to control it – but there are still some hard times. When the mania or anxiety kicks in I breathe and pray, and then I write. These prayers seem to work. Oh, bless is the power of prayer.
There is so much more to talk about. Including my experiences with what I call my guardian angels in my past and future. The darkness I felt and the demons that controlled me.
I would love to hear about other peoples experiences and stories. I would love to publish them here on my blog. Thanks for listening.
I’m always wonder what my dreams mean. They all seem so real! Sometimes I awake remembering everything about the dream and I write it in my journal.
I’ve had the same dream since I was in my 30’s. I would be chased by someone I didn’t know who, and I was running and running, and I would wake up out of breathe.
Recently, I found a list that comes so close to what I feel my dreams mean. I would like to share it. Maybe you have the same dreams. FYI – You will read different versions of dreams but I like and believe this one.
What does being chased mean:
If your being chased in your dreams it can indicate you may feel you have a lot of responsibilities. You’re having a hard time keeping up which may cause stress. Well, I know it causes stress. This dream may mean you need to relax, and slow down the pace.
I have find a way to escape the stress. I go to my room lay down on the floor, and close my eyes with my hands on my stomach, taking deep breathes. Not only does this help, but you are stretching your back at the same time. Also, going for a walk and talking to God really helpful.
I will be listing more dream interpretations soon.
When you’re trying to make a decision your first thought could be telling you to do one thing while your second thought would interrupt that thought and you decide to go with that decision. Wrong choice.
For instance, you have a drink in your hand and you put it down and a thought pops in your mind “Be Careful.” You don’t listen to that voice or thought and you do it anyway and then a few minutes later you reach for the glass and it falls and breaks. I’ve done this many times. The first thought is your real intuition or your higher power, or your angel, suggesting not to put the glass down on the table in that exact spot. Or, you’ve met someone and your first thought I don’t feel this is the right person and you continue seeing him any, because your lonely. It turns out that your first though was right and he turned out to be wrong for you.
I’ve come to believe that this is your guardian Angel, intuition or higher power making these suggestions. We just need to learn to listen to them. If we listen our lives could be a little bit better and we’ll learn what our God wants us to do. If I had listen to it a long time ago my dreams and aspirations could of happened a long time ago, Instead, I made bad choices in my life. I just didn’t listen, because I didn’t believe.
My job now is to listen very carefully to that little voice inside of me and to make the right choices. I started listening last August, after being laid off again. This cycle has been repetitive for the last 20 or more years. Get a job, get laid off. I kept telling myself, and I even wrote about it in my journals that I needed to focus on what I want. Even in Rehab I wrote my goals down, and 1) Own Photography business 2) Make jewelry 3) Have a photograph of mine published, and 4) Open my Own Business. These are things that I enjoy and I feel that I am really good at. They’ve been on my mind all my life. But, I was afraid, never had the money, and afraid of failing. I just didn’t try. I think I felt like I wasn’t good enough.
This time, I’m bound and determine to get my business off the ground. I now design and make my own jewelry, photograph them and publish on the Internet. I have opened a store on eBay and it’s doing pretty good. I’ve had creator block. I could not come up with a design for my jewelry. Then one day I heard and whisper and I listened. I made that necklace and it turned out great.
My next dream is moving to Wilmington, NC to be with my son and his family. I have a grand son, my first and only one. I plan to do more marketing on my shops and recently I got a great marketing and sales job with a company. This will help me save money to move and open my own shop. That’s my goal and I’m sticking with it. No turning back.
Thanks for listening. Your remarks are appreciated.
My disabilities don’t allow me the freedom to just write, talk, and create like anyone else. I have to work extra harder at everything. Life itself is difficult. I’ve always had a difficult time with grammar, comprehension, and total concentration. Believe it or not I just recently found out what my problem as been. And once again, if I had known about these issues maybe life would not of been so difficult for me. I now know why my self-esteem was always in jeopardy. The neurologist ran some brain scans to try and figure how why I felt confused and always feeling spacey. Like Duh, dude I don’t know where am I?
The conclusion, I have been suffering from ADD and bipolar.
This is only an except – if you would like to read the rest of it please click on the link.
Yes, I was on a boat or sub with some friends mainly couples, and of course I am the only single person. The dream was about learning how to swim, scuba dive and snorkel, which I have never done. I also had a dream about a friend that I had known for 30 years that I said goodbye to, because of her negative influence. In real life, that did happen. I decided not to associate with people that brought me down.
First, let me say, I have always been afraid of water with the fear of drowning since I was never taught how to swim. Now, back to my dream.
We were on the ocean in this big boat, and I was feeling pretty down when suddenly a dolphin emerged and started talking the dolphin talk. Then without thinking I jumped into the water and held on to the dolphin and away we went. I mean down and up and around then out of the blue this big black shark started chasing us. We were able to out run him and ended up back at the boat. The dolphin jumped up on the boat and saved my life. I was scared and didn’t want him to go, I couldn’t do anything without him. But, I felt bad and didn’t want to be selfish so I let him go. The shark came up to the boat and was trying to get on, but the dolphin jumped back into the water to draw the dolphin away. I suddenly felt safe and happy.
I boasted to the others that I swam with the dolphins and he saved my life. They said, “You can’t swim, how did you do it? “I was not afraid,” I said” I wanted to go to Cancun and do some scuba diving. They thought I was crazy. Yes, that was in my dream too.
I also dreamed of a guy that I have been hiding from who was an alcoholic that was totally obsessed with me. I told him to go away because I was trying to live a clean and better life. He said he had quit drinking, and I thought if he could do I could do it. In the dream, I went home and said I wanted to ride the dolphin again and swim and swim. I remember trying to give him a name and go to the ocean and call for him and would suddenly appear. He did come back. In real life men always seem to leave and I was alone again.
The meaning of the dream? I believe it means that I can conquer my fears and be whom I want to be if I just try hard enough. Be around positive people that can influence me and make me feel good about myself, and know that I can do it without a man around. I am doing that and I’m keeping myself busy since that’s when I feel good about myself. I’m giving back my knowledge and experience that I’ve had all my life. I did not have the self-esteem to do it before. I didn’t have the confidence to share my ideas and wisdom. I was afraid of being laughed at or rejected.
I am feeling good about myself now, and I know if I don’t do what I want to do, I will never know if I succeeded. I have no fears other then not being able to see my grandchild grow up. I want to have a great growing business with the jewels that people will love and keep coming back. Are you out there?
Dreams can come true you just have to work at it and face your fears.
