It’s been 3 months since I’ve had a cigarette, now only have an occasional glass of red wine. I had a startling awakening that change my whole perspective and made me see how sick I really was, and I would never fulfill my dreams if I kept going down the same path to destruction. I’ve always been in darkness so it was hard to find the light. Some how I didn’t think I deserved it.
After a lot of soul searching and reading I found that prayer and faith was the answer. Every time that I would drink I would feel so guilty and apologize. I know I drank because I was lonely, bored and to forget the outside world. I was turning into a hermit and never went anywhere. I knew this had to change.
Lately, I had been seeing a difference in my Pomeranian – when I started drinking or smoking he would sit and stare at me, which made me feel really bad. He then would leave the room or go into his house and not come out. He sensed something was wrong. He would come up to me at times and put his paws on my lap like to say “Stop – take care of me instead.” Then I started fearing that the smoking would really hurt him. I was really feeling the guilt. My goals I want to reach, my poor doggy, my health were all things that was in consideration. But I ask, why after all these years is this happening. Why now am I so concerned. I’ve been drinking and smoking for over 40 years!
Something else happened. My father almost died from an accident. I was so scared that I was going to lose him that nothing else mattered. At first, I just wanted to go home and drink myself to death to stop the hurt. But then I realize it wasn’t me that was hurting, but my dad. “Stop thinking about yourself,” I said.
I spent nearly 2 months taking care of my dad and my mom. I moved in as a caregiver. I started working hard on my business that’s on eBay, and I landed a marketing and sales job that is just perfect for me.
This whole time I believe that I had an angel by myself. I would hear whispers only because I wanted to hear them. I learned that these were also intuitions, gods messages to me. All I had to do was listen. Somehow I believe that my little dog is my angel in animal form. I have started believing in a lot of things. I never never thought I would be where I am today. Sober and good things are happening to me. It’s the most wonderful thing that has happened to me in a long time.
My dad is doing so much better and I thank God every day for that.