Have you ever asked yourself, “Why can’t I believe in God?” I so desperately wanted to believe in God, and all I needed was some sign. I wanted to believe in heaven.
The time came when I experienced angels and especially God.
It all began with my dreams that I’ve had for a long time. You know the ones where your friends and family look at you and “Yea, keep dreaming.” That always bothered me.
I’ve had dreams since I was a little girl. I wanted to be fastest girl on the track team in school. I knew some how when I was at the starting line and looking at the finish line I was going to be there before anyone else. At the time I didn’t know how I knew. I just wanted it so badly, and I could see it happen in my mine. That day I won and went on to All State. I went on to believe that if you dream it, work hard you can achieve anything.
My dreams were all so real and some how I knew not to give up on them. I would see visions of my dreams for the future. I started to read the bible when I was struggling with my life by reaching out for help. The bible became my friend.
I use to think God didn’t exist because he never answered my prayers. When I asked him a question I never got an answer. Or, maybe I just wasn’t listening.
My life has been a rough journey and I’m surprised I’ve made it this far. I did a lot of stupid things I did in my life. I use to believe if I was bad God wouldn’t have anything to do with me. I learned that wasn’t so. I learned he loved you unconditionally, but I wanted him to love the person I wanted to be.
In 1989, I had a serious major surgery. I had hemorrhage in my stomach looking like I was 4 months pregnant. I was sitting in a restaurant with a friend when my stomach began hurting really bad, and the jumpsuit I had on was getting tighter and tighter. I staggered towards the door and the hostess ask if she could do anything and I said know. I got in the car wondering how I was going to drive, but some how I knew god was on my side behind the wheel driving me home. I got home and literally crawled up the stairs to my bed. I called my dad. I don’t know why I didn’t call the ambulance. My dad was there in about 20 minutes. They helped me to get down the stairs and every tiny move was painful. I laid in back of the camper and every bump they hit I would scream. I was so scared I couldn’t imagine what was wrong. I got to the emergency room and the nurse said you need to empty your bladder. “Are you kidding me! I can’t even move! About that time my doctored arrived with a big huge syringe full of vallum. I didn’t remember anything for 2 days.
It turned out my fever got so high the doctors thought they were going to lose me so they put me in a bath tub of ice. I don’t remember any of this. The doctors ended up sending me to surgery. They had to remove half of my colon, uterus, ovaries and put a colonoscopy (a bag) on me. I woke up in my room with my mother sitting at my side. I had tubes out my nose, stomach in couple of places and a huge bandage on my stomach. I remember the doctor coming in and telling me “Your one lucky girl. With the amount of blood you lost you shouldn’t have lived.” I prayed that night and thanked god for seeing me through the surgery safely.
Can you relate to this story? God has played a part in my life for a long time. It just took a nudge to get me to listen to him. When I began to listen and hear him a whole new way of life opened up for me. I realize now that it was God that was there with me all the time and there were times that he tested me. My journey begins with the pains and failures I went through before God really came into my life and we worked together. Come with me…