Tag Archive | Bipolar

A New Path Has Opened Up For Me.


There for a while I felt there was nothing out there for me.  The days were just so slow but at the same time they were going by with nothing to show for it.  I would wake up each morning with a cup of coffee and the newspaper.  I’d check my email and then what? ” What do I do today?”  Well there’s nothing to do when you don’t have a car.  Unless you want to spend the money on a cab.

I had to ask myself what do I love to do and that”s photography and travel.  I use to do this when I was younger.  I would travel alone to New Mexico, Colorado, and Arizona a lot.  So much beauty out there!  I would always stay weeks at a time.  Then something happen – I became ill.   Everything came to a halt.  So I have done nothing except try to take care of myself. I have Bipolar, and I do not wish it on anyone.  I haven’t had a relationship in 8 years, because I’ve been trying to have a relationship with myself.

One day, I was searching on the  internet under hobbies, and once again came across photography.  I found this group for photographers who meet and go on trips.  I joined and it has motivated me so much that I splurged on a new Nikon D5100.  I love it!  I was using a point and shoot, but it wasn’t giving me the shots or gratification I wanted.

Now, every day I go out early in the morning with my dog and take pictures of birds, scenery, and anything that moves.  I even submitted a photograph to a juried art show.  Too much competition, but I did it.

It fees so good to have something again that challenges me yet gives me the satisfaction I’ve been looking for.

I’m starting a blog with my photographs to tell how I took the pictures.

 

 

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Premonition or Intuition


My family had left to go out to eat and I was alone at last.  Well, my dog Cody.  I was doing some paperwork when Cody starting barking crazy like and going in circles.  I kept telling him to be quite.  Then I heard mom and dad in the kitchen so I got up to see what they brought home for me. I went into the kitchen and there was no one there.  I was so shocked.  I felt like one  those  ghost hunters when they hear a noise and say “what was that?” They check it out and no one was there.  I stood there for a few minutes trying to figure it out, but there wasn’t much to say.  My dog wanted out to pee.

I suddenly got a bad feeling.  I heard of people who have psyche abilities and see flashes of something going to happen or has already happened.    I started worry about my parents.  They’re old and shouldn’t really be driving.  Can’t tell them that.

Then, they really came home.  Dad came to my room and said, “Vickie we had a little accident.”  My heart jumped and so did to find out what happen. It seemed mom had fallen on her face after missing a step  The miracle of it all is it wasn’t as bad as it should have been.  I was so grateful.

Was I hearing their voices a warning sign for me?  Or, am I going crazy?  This has been happening to me quite a bit.  I even see shadows move.   I’m very sensitive to noise and senses – do I have a gift  and just now opened up to it?  Or, am I loony tunes.

I’ve been following my instinct more than my heart and it has helped me out a lot.  My intuition has saved my life many times.

Intuition: Afraid to Make a Decision out of Fear- Bully on That!


Carolina Beach Pier

Image via Wikipedia

As you know I strongly believe in intuition.   For the last 6 months I’ve been asking myself if I should leave my parents who I’ve been a caregiver for the last 2 years.  It’s become very stressful, and I miss my son and grandchildren.  I kept seeing myself growing old, and never seeing my family.  I could also see myself never finding love again. 

For the last 10 years I’ve been living with the devil and a bottle of alcohol.  The day I made the decision to quit is the day I grew up and became stronger.  Being stronger is making decisions.  That has always been difficult for me.  I usually ask everyone what  should do.  But instead, I knew the only person to make that decision was me.  I started listening  for a sign and direction.

I would cry and ask God what should I do.  I’ve done so much soul-searching then I remembered my very first thought (intuition) when I was trying to make a decision.   I want to move to North Carolina.  I want to be near my son and his family.  I still have some life in me and I want to live

We’re always fearful to make a decision out of fear and making the wrong choice.  However, if we can trust our instinct and intuition you become stronger and confidant in your beliefs.  I use to not be able to make decisions, and hadys had to ask other people’s opinion.  Even then I was afraid.  What should I do – just forget it?  Just stay where your are and don’t make any changes something could mess up?  Don’t take risks?   Well, I say bully on that. If you don’t take a risk you’ll never know what it could have been.  

Well,  I’m going to move to North Carolina. With that decision everything fell into place.  Out of the blue someone contacted me about a cottage on Carolina Beach two blocks from the ocean.  I listened to my intuition, and realized if I don’t make a move now it may be too late.  Hey, I’m not getting any younger.

When I move to North Carolina December 1st I’m starting a blog on my stay on Carolina Beach and where it leads me.  It should be fun.

What is Intuition?


What is intuition? It’s the ability to get a sense, vision or feeling about someone or something. My intuition comes from self and whispers.  I believe these whispers are that of God sending messages to the angels.  Then, they in turn whisper in their angelic message language. We all have intuition. We are born with it. We use it as children we do not know any better. We go on our instinct or gut. But as we grow older the unknown is fearful to us and we don’t want to believe.  We say, I don’t believe in ghosts, vampires, werewolves, or any thing else that is not who we are.  I use to be that way. But now after so many miracles, I believe.  Unless you can prove any different – they exist in my mind. Am I scared?  Of course, but I’m open to the possibilities.

Intuition can be strengthened.  I spent hard time trying to learn and believe.  I came from being a drunk with Bipolar to a person with Bipolar & Dementia trying to survive and live the dreams she has had for along time. Yes, and with the miracle of God, I can still write. If you have dreams and you want something so badly – you can achieve it.  You just have to work very hard for it.  I taught my son this and he is very successful today.

I’m 58, and I have lost a lot of time in life by being crippled.  Bu now, I am going to live the rest of my life the way I want to and the way I have dreamed.  I will listen to my intuition, because I know it will be the right direction. I still have my ups and downs, and I’m going to, which I will discuss later.  But right now – I just want to be happy and believe.  You try it.

My ANGEL – MICHAEL


I believe in divine intuition.  I believe there is a god, angels and guardian angels.  Why?  I’ve experienced all of them.  My life has been saved too many times to not believe.  With Bipolar I have found more spirituality in my life.  I strongly want to believe so I listen to their voices and know that I am now alone.

Recently, I found out that my angel is Michael.  How great is that.  The following is what was giving to me and would like to share it with you.  I also have a Guardian Angel who I named Sierra.  She’s with me all the time.  I’ll introduce her later.

Michael – Leader of the Archangels

“Who is like God”, “Like unto God”, “Who is like the Divine” The first Angel

Michael - The Archangel

Hold him close to your heart

created by God, Michael is the leader of all the Archangels and is in charge of protection, courage, strength, truth and integrity. Michael protects us physically, emotionally and psychically. He also oversees the light worker’s life purpose. His chief function is to rid the earth and its inhabitants of the toxins associated with fear. Michael carries a flaming sword that he uses to cut through etheric cords and protects us from Satan and negative entities. When he’s around you may see sparkles or flashes of bright blue or purple light. Michael is helping if you find yourself under psychic attack or if you feel you lack commitment, motivation and dedication to your beliefs, courage, direction, energy, vitality, self-esteem, worthiness. Michael helps us to realize our life’s purpose and he’s invaluable to light workers helping with protection, space clearing and spirit releasement. Michael conquered the fallen Angel Satan, was in the Garden of Eden to teach Adam how to farm and care for his family, spoke to Moses on Mount Sinai and in 1950 he was canonized as Saint Michael, “the patron of Police Officers,” because he helps with heroic deeds and bravery. Michael also has an incredible knack for fixing electrical and mechanical devices, including computers and automobiles. Michael helps us to follow our truth without compromising our integrity and helps us to find our true natures and to be faithful to who we really are. Michael’s message is don’t be afraid to stand for what you believe in and to fight for what you desire in life!!

Angels Watching Over Me


When I’m feeling like things are going well I can feel the angels all around me. God has sent them to me ensure everything is okay.   I actually found myself talking to them today while I was in the antique mall looking for, angels. I decided I was going to start collecting them.   I don’t feel along when I believe.

Never in my lifetime would I of thought that I would be in the place I am with the thrill of knowing that the things that occurred in my past were Gods plans all along.  Now, I know why.  I had angels with me all the time and didn’t know it.  I think back at the blackest days, and I was really down  on God.  I was the most miserable and so angry all the time.  Why was God letting these things happen to me.  What have I done to deserve this.  I was never happy and I wasn’t happy with myself.  I wouldn’t listen to anyone and I ignored their advise.  The alcohol would blind me from the possibilities of happiness and the future.

Then, something happen. I suddenly felt content.  I had finally got tired of the way my life was going and I didn’t want my son to think I was a drunk and bum.  I wanted to make something of myself.  He actually begged me to stop the drinking and smoking.  When he found out I had Hep C he started to really be concerned with me.   He didn’t want me to die or be alone the rest of my life.  I listened.

That was around Christmas 2008.  On the flight home I prayed about it and said I want something new in my life.  What’s wrong with me!  I have a beautiful son, new grandson, and daughter in law.  I have a family!  The problem has been they live across the US.    Then I said to myself – there is only one thing to do.  I was always told there’s a solution to everything you just have to try.  I made a goal that I’m going to start what I have been dreaming for along time – have my own business, save money, get in physical and mental shape, and be sober. Then, I’m going to move to North Carolina to be with my family.  I want have a little shop on the boardwalk in Wilmington, NC.  I’m going to sell anything and everything I love.

I have stayed here because of my parents.  I didn’t want to leave them.  Then my father had an accident and I moved in to be a caregiver.  I was like what am I doing!  But I love them.  But I felt like my whole life just stopped.   I love and miss my son too much and wanted to watch my grandson grown up. I decided it was time that I do something for me.  I’m 57 with nothing to show for it.  Now I can.

I started praying and writing.  Then things started coming together.  My life has gotten more serene and calm.  Even with my bipolar I’m able to control it – but there are still some hard times.   When the mania or anxiety kicks in I breathe and pray, and then I write.  These prayers seem to work.  Oh,  bless is the power of prayer.

There is so much more to talk about.  Including my experiences with what I call my guardian angels in my past and future.  The darkness I felt and the demons that controlled me.

I would love to hear about other peoples experiences and stories.  I would love to publish them here on my blog.   Thanks for listening.

Miracles Do Happen – Just Believe


Praying_Hands020Remember in my last blog I said you just have to believe that a miracle will happen?  I got a phone call yesterday after some hard praying and talking to my angels.  I asked for help in guidance and sanity to find the money to help me work harder to pay for what’s coming.

I got a call from that angel in the name of SSI.  That’s Social Security Supplement Insurance.  I heard her say “You’ve been approved.”  I’ve been approved?  I asked her if she was kidding me?  No one calls you on Saturday from the Social Security place.  She , “I do.”   I almost started crying and told her she was what I’ve been praying  for and that today she was my angel.

Angel’s come in every shape and form.  Sometimes it’s just a whisper.  Today, it was a telephone call.  I must be doing something right.  She said I had been approved to start receiving supplemental income and then in a few weeks I will start receiving my Disability.

I have been living off my piggy bank, the money I make on eBay, which is that much, and sometimes my mom sneaks in my room and drops a $10 or 20 in the  piggy bank.

My phone had been turned off since I haven’t been able to pay it so I called my brother and asked it he wouldn’t mind calling my son for me.  But first, I told him the news.  All I got was, “Maybe I should try and get it.”   I think he was jealous for some reason.  It’s been that way between us for a long time.  I felt like saying, “Well if you want all my pains of osteoarthritis, bipolar, diverticulitis, hepatitis c and so on you can have it.”  My Dad asked me when I was going to start paying rent.  I’ve lived there for 7 months now as their caregiver – taking care of  both m and them then ask me for rent.

My loving mom asked me what I was going to buy first.  I said, “Ink for my printer so I can print out my invoices. Pay my sprint bill, so I can call my son,  pay my bankruptcy payment, take my dog to the vet, and then to the groomers.    Oh, I should buy some clothes that fit me.   All other monies is going in savings for a trip to see my son and grand babies for Christmas.

Just remember to always believe and just your instinct and believe in prayer.  Don’t give up!Praying_Hands020